Pitter panter of the rain only warps my mind in the morning. Now is the time to prove myself and I've never felt more knots in my head. Back to the cigarettes after what seems like years but has only been months. Addiction may grip ahold of me for now, but there's so much more to young life. I've been sleeping more than I'm used to. Thinking about the future is a dooze. I know my time will come, but when? There are so many things I want to do, want to change. Who am I to want these things for myself? Who gave me these ideas? Did I create them myself or am I a product of social media and distraction for some without real achievement? Now is the time. I haven't written in a very long time... I'm always perturbed by the need to write, it usually means inspiration is coming on. That is why I started this journal, in truths. I always strive to be as truthful as possible in this space, and to you. I hope this feeling lasts. I want to disappear into abyss until I can figure out what it means.... but I know that is impossible. My belongings are scattered throughout my Mother and Father's house and I feel a bit lost. As I've read by some, I spin lono. We will see what becomes of this love-stained mess.