sing to me, sadly.

It's the dreams that got me.... The unreliable fate that would be mine. Did he ever really love me? Was I living inside a dream? Was it all my own personal snow globe and when I turned the knob from the outside did I get my very own happy ending? Sometimes I'd lie in bed awake at night wondering how long it'd last. I'd wish he and I had the strength to get out of bed at 5 AM and start our own separate lives. We never did until it was too late. It was different in the beginning, he would watch me stitch hour after hour after hour. Rythmic. Much like a machine myself. He got the gist and started bringing over his guitar and began writing lyrcis.... for me. What was it that pushed us past this point? I've been feeling a whirlwind lately, LET ME TELL YOU. It's good to have myself back. Where to begin? Birthday catastrophe. I cried on my own damn birthday in a fancy restaurant. Something about the world won't take me back anymore. No one lasts more than 8 months and I'm trying to figure why. Is it my dreams but lack of ambition? Is it because I have so much potential but lie around in knots all day? Do tell me what it is, because I'd love to know about my own life, you see. I woke up with shivers this morning. It was 5 AM and my air conditioning was extremely high and it's turning to fall. I shook to jerk on a sweater but I couldn't stop shaking for at least 15 minutes. It was the dream that awoke me from a (not so) deep sleep. And I can feel my insides squirming.
love, polly


Georgia Rose said...

Aw Polly, you are such a positive person and I know you will bounce back from this stronger than ever. Your writing is really beautiful, though.

LolaDee said...

You're amazing. Don't forget it. Beautiful writing xo


Emma said...

You have a way with words Polly, I am sad that you had a birthday catastrophe. It is my birthday tomorrow but I wish it wasn't, I am not feeling myself and for some reason a birthday is the last thing I want. I wish you a happy birthday anyway, I hope this new year brings you lots of happiness!

Emma x

Faye said...

You have such a beautiful way with words, but I'm so sorry you've been going through a bad time. :( I think it's a curse of creative people to feel lost and full of self-doubt, I hope this birthday is a fresh start for you!
Faye x

Emily Elizabeth said...

Hang in there ♥

Katherine said...

Someone said this to me once and I found it a little heartbreaking, but also very helpful.

You just haven't met the right one yet.

Thinking of you, sweetness.

whitemaskgirl said...

Just hang in there. A better day will come sooner or later. And happy birthday, even if it does feel like a sad one.

bookishwhimsy said...

You are beautiful, talented and intelligent. Anyone who doesn't see that is not worth your time. Sending you good thoughts and some smiles.