I ditched work today. Took a train out to Montauk. I don't know why. I'm not an impulsive person. I guess I just woke up in a funk this morning. I gotta get my car fixed.
So. Today is Valentine's Day 2011. Where has the time gone? If you know me or my situation, you know that Valentine's Day is a pretty monumental day for me. The whole story of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind revolves around Valentine's Day and what Joel and Clementine do to erase each other before that specific day comes. By erasing each other they can forget about the heart ache and anguish they might have felt going into Valentine's Day just after a break up.
You know how Joel wakes up and sees that his car needs to be fixed at the beginning of the film?
Well, you might know that my car died over Christmas Break.. so Joel and I have that In common. I also just went through a break up a little over a month ago that was pretty hard for me. I feel like this year's Valentine's Day will be... strange. Strange enough, I suppose.. I'm sure there will be stranger in the future, though.
I feel as though I have engrained this holiday to be weird from now on by getting this movie tattooed on my arm. In case if you don't know, the first and only tattoo I have is the Alexander Pope quote from 1717 entitled, "Eloisa to Abelard." It tells a love story that is forbidden. The quote is recited in the Elephant Parade scene of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The poem inspired the movie.
What does this mean for future Valentine's Days? It means that it will always be a big deal to me, no matter who I'm with or what happens. I will always remember the love I shared with a certain boy who was my Joel and I was his Clementine. We fit the parts perfectly. I already had the tattoo. I dyed my hair.. he tucked in one of his collars. The Joel Barish sweater we went searching for at Salvation Army was practically calling his name. What is this strange coincidence, and, "how do I erase it from my mind so I may move on with the future?" you ask.
Well, that is actually a really thought provoking question that might take a few more years for me to figure out. As for now, I am content with my life the way it is unfolding. It's not easy by any means at the specific time, but I am learning so much and getting thrust into so much change.
I know this is good for me because I have an extremely hard time adjusting to change. This is something I've come to learn about myself over the past few years or so. My mother keeps telling me that, "life is a series of adjustments," and I know she is right. As long as I keep changing myself, I need to learn that the people and surroundings around me are going to keep shifting. I need to embrace change and flow with it as a river does.
I don't want people to get me wrong, though... I am not sad. This is a day for reflection, and I enjoy spending it alone (well, without a lover).. I am spending the evening with my girl friends and we are watching a movie. I am excited for the future and what it holds.. and regardless of my relationship status at one moment to the next.. I feel I am solidifying myself as a person in the process of finding myself. I won't ever forget about Joel and Clementine's story.. but they aren't me.. and never were.
(all production stills provided by erase-me.org)
Happy Valentine's Day.. I hope this finds you all in a happy place. Don't forget about who shaped you into the person you've become and most importantly, who you are as an individual.
love, polly :)