Monday

Random thoughts for Valentine's Day, 2004: today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.

I ditched work today. Took a train out to Montauk. I don't know why. I'm not an impulsive person. I guess I just woke up in a funk this morning. I gotta get my car fixed.
So. Today is Valentine's Day 2011. Where has the time gone? If you know me or my situation, you know that Valentine's Day is a pretty monumental day for me. The whole story of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind revolves around Valentine's Day and what Joel and Clementine do to erase each other before that specific day comes. By erasing each other they can forget about the heart ache and anguish they might have felt going into Valentine's Day just after a break up.
You know how Joel wakes up and sees that his car needs to be fixed at the beginning of the film? 
Well, you might know that my car died over Christmas Break.. so Joel and I have that In common. I also just went through a break up a little over a month ago that was pretty hard for me. I feel like this year's Valentine's Day will be... strange. Strange enough, I suppose.. I'm sure there will be stranger in the future, though. 
I feel as though I have engrained this holiday to be weird from now on by getting this movie tattooed on my arm. In case if you don't know, the first and only tattoo I have is the Alexander Pope quote from 1717 entitled, "Eloisa to Abelard." It tells a love story that is forbidden. The quote is recited in the Elephant Parade scene of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The poem inspired the movie.
What does this mean for future Valentine's Days? It means that it will always be a big deal to me, no matter who I'm with or what happens. I will always remember the love I shared with a certain boy who was my Joel and I was his Clementine. We fit the parts perfectly. I already had the tattoo. I dyed my hair.. he tucked in one of his collars. The Joel Barish sweater we went searching for at Salvation Army was practically calling his name. What is this strange coincidence, and, "how do I erase it from my mind so I may move on with the future?" you ask. 
Well, that is actually a really thought provoking question that might take a few more years for me to figure out. As for now, I am content with my life the way it is unfolding. It's not easy by any means at the specific time, but I am learning so much and getting thrust into so much change. 
I know this is good for me because I have an extremely hard time adjusting to change. This is something I've come to learn about myself over the past few years or so. My mother keeps telling me that, "life is a series of adjustments," and I know she is right. As long as I keep changing myself, I need to learn that the people and surroundings around me are going to keep shifting. I need to embrace change and flow with it as a river does. 
I don't want people to get me wrong, though... I am not sad. This is a day for reflection, and I enjoy spending it alone (well, without a lover).. I am spending the evening with my girl friends and we are watching a movie. I am excited for the future and what it holds.. and regardless of my relationship status at one moment to the next.. I feel I am solidifying myself as a person in the process of finding myself. I won't ever forget about Joel and Clementine's story.. but they aren't me.. and never were. 
(all production stills provided by erase-me.org)
Happy Valentine's Day.. I hope this finds you all in a happy place. Don't forget about who shaped you into the person you've become and most importantly, who you are as an individual.
love, polly :)

12 comments:

Deer Little Fawn said...

This is a lovely post.

I don't celebrate Valentines day, not particularly out of choice, but in the last ten years of always having a boyfriend on Valentines day I have only once ever recieved a card. I guess I don't go out with typically romantic guys as they always just "don't do valentines" so I just got used to it at a young age and am pretty used to it being a non day for me now. I don't hate the day, but I don't love it either.
I think it's a weird day, it can be lovely for some people but not so great for everyone.

Hugs to you today! :) xx

myownlittleuniverse said...

ok, i am right there with you!!!!! i love that movie so much. and for the first time ever, i relate to it more than i want to admit. i went thru a very very painful breakup in december. i'm getting better but it has not been easy. i go in and out of being sad and being ok. today i'm feeling ok though. i'm spending the evening with my girlfriends, making a huge yummy dinner. and i'm so grateful to just have that. i hope you feel love today and thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Lela said...

Oh it's a sweet post! It was interesting to read. I know it can be hard to let go the past and move on, flow like a river does. But it's possible and important. I'm also alone on my Valentine's Day, I just don't have a boyfriend, I have never had. But my heart is opened, and I'm with my small group of friends.

I wish you the most wonderful year!

miss teacups. said...

thankyou for sharing this with us polly and i hope you have a lovely day!! xo.

JustAnotherMusicJunkie said...

A wierd day for most....
An excting day for some....
A normal day for me....

Wierd things happen to me on a regular basis, so today was just as wierd as the next...Me and some girl friends went boy watching at the local cinema, but as oday is such a romantic day, every boy was taken! Meaning me and my friends giggled endlessly at the randomness that is the Black Swan. A good film, but all in all, Valentine's Day means nothing to me. However I hope it brings happiness to everyone who likes it, loves it etc.
A lovely post and the pictures are very cute. Hehehehehehe(:
Happy Valentine's Single Pringles and Lovey Doveys'!
MusicMeerkat!
xoxoxoxoxoxoox

The Lilac Rabbit said...

It's good that you are finding the strength to move on. I think sometimes we idealize "love" and the people that we are in love with to the point of creating a fantasy in our heads that fails to play out. Have a great Singles Awareness Day. lol

Sasha said...

Your honesty is truly refreshing. I too agree with Valentine's Day being a day made by greeting card companies to make you feel like crap. I've never had anyone special throughout my life on Valentine's Day until this year, but it seems he is making a point to avoid contacting me today. Interesting. I don't want to care. But I do. Thanks to greeting card companies. Anyways, I must really watch this movie! It sounds excellent. And what better day than today? So thanks for inspiring me to have something to do tonight :) And I wish you the best of luck in moving on. Not an easy thing.

Yama Yama Pretty Mama! said...

That's such a lovely post :-)

[Anna] said...

Aw loved reading this post. I think it's good that you reflect on the good times that you had. No regrets i say. x

Rachel said...

Absolutely lovely post...thanks for sharing your thoughts, and Happy (belated) Valentine's Day!

Breeanna @ a brilliant melody said...

I'm going to have to watch the movie again! It's been so long!

My Valentines Day were never very special. I'm not a big fan of the day even though I did spend it with my husband.

gracey said...

Happy Valentines Dear Polly! :)