Wednesday

the sun comes up, I stay relatively dead.

I miss what it used to feel like for other people who read this blog when it had no followers.. but don't get me wrong.. this is in no way negativity. I don't want people to get my thoughts jumbled wrongly. It's just that I have gotten comments from those who read in the beginning.. the very beginning. They say they miss the 'old polly'.. and how she was. What is that, and who was she? How can I change this? A person changes with time.. it's as simple as that.. and it makes me want to bang this computer against a tree. 
You know that grey shade that isn't quite in the middle of anywhere? No matter how hard you try to push it to one side it just won't turn more black or white? That's all I can feel right now. Life hits you in the face, and then what? I just woke up from a dead sleep where I was hugging him so hard that I swear to god I had a smile on my face in my sleep. Now let's zoom in on the reality: I woke up to one text message saying that I wasn't even worth his phone call. I feel numb to say the least. 
When is it time for me to move on with this "life"? I feel as if I am moping around my apartment constantly drawing, cleaning, having meetings.. and for what? What do they mean? What are they for? I'm not one to tell you.. or to know. I know it feels empty. Is it because I have constantly bombarded myself with relationships for over the past year whether I wanted to or not? Possibly so. Here I go, again.. back to finding myself. If I could only take my own advice, here. Haha, isn't it funny that I can archive you to past feelings?
skirt- Salvation Army
tights- cut off; from Salvation Army
shoes- $4 Salvation Army
blouse- Salvation Army
pin- vintage, bakelite plastic, gift from my Grandmother Kutch
earrings- gift from my Grandmother Kutch, vintage 1950's made in Germany
I hope you have a wonderful day, and PLEASE don't forget to enter my giveaway listed below! 
Also, I would really really reallllly appreciate it if you visited My Best Friend Jules, because I am Blogger of the Week over at their chic little blog! Thanks so much, guys! :)
love, polly 

23 comments:

Emily1008 said...

I have days like that too. Put on your favourite song and dance until you are laughing at yourself, that is what I do, best way to cheer me up (well, maybe with a bit of help from Ben & Jerry's ice cream!)
Your outfit is really gorgeous!The blouse and shoes especially,
Have a lovely day, and remember to dance :)
Love, Emily x

MissNeira said...

I love this! the mix of colors are so gorgeous!

xoxo
Miss Neira

Amber Blue Bird said...

I agree with emily, you need a dance party to lift your spirits. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

Polly said...

I have many days when I feel like this. Loud music does help!! That and making something :)

Love that blouse

Caroline said...

Such a cute set of photos, i will forever be in awe of your clock handbag! I do hope you're ok though, i wish that everything will start looking up for you soon!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

miss teacups. said...

hi polly,
i know i can't say much to make you feel better but sometimes i find taking a break from things help...if you don't feel like blogging one day, don't. take some you time to figure things out. you don't always need to be positive. people understand that you're a real person and therefore you go through ups and downs just like everyone else. maybe you need some time away from your blog and your expectations and everything else, some time for you.

again, who am i to say...i only 'know' who you are through your blog, i just know what helps me through tough times.

sending positive vibes your way m'dear, xo
carly

sparkleweed said...

LOVE the clock handbag :] hope you're feeling cheerier soon, my love xxx

BonAndChi said...

Dear polly~
I really don't know what's the best thing to say to make things better for you.... Sometimes we just need some time off the recharge, reflect and do some soul searching.

Really hope things get better for you soon! Know that you have all of us supporters that love you for who you are now~ :3

love,
Chi

grrfeisty said...

cute shoes and bag!! :D i love the colors in the photos :)

gracey said...

i really have to say this in bold letters: THE SHOE ROCKS! :)

Lynn said...

so i was kind of working my way up from posts i'd missed and then got to here. pause. breathe. okay, polly my darling girl that i wish i knew better (personally like), this sounds intense for you. wow "the old polly", i have to confess that i didn't know you then but can assume maybe there was more distant lightness to your posts. by that i mean, what i feel from you now is definitely a connective reach out. to me, that's awesome.

you are right about changing with time and that's a good thing. if we all were who we used to be then what would we have learned. and an archive to past feelings isn't such a bad thing either. i know from personal experience; no ones gonna tell you the right thing to make a snap. you need to find it yourself and that's a part of the change too, we all take some time to make room inside our own skin when we've given so much away.

it took me 5 plus years to get closure on a relationship that seems similar to this. Sean stood by me all the way and it was so hard to be torn between loves. i think the clock you posted is like a symbol, you just need some more time doll, try and be okay with allowing it. xo ♥

Audrey Allure said...

I love the colors in your outfit :)

SMASH said...

aw Polly I do hope you feel better soon. I think most people would accept that as time goes by people do change--it would be pretty weird if someone stayed the exact same forever and ever. You shouldn't have to apologize for being a real person <3

xx

MILK TEETHS

Amy from Forever Curiouser said...

you're such a beautiful person inside and out! love your clock bag x

gracey said...

WHOAH?! just $4? wow, what a lucky and fab find! :)

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Hey sweetie. Maybe you were different before or maybe you didn't change much, but change is the only thing that is constant. I hope this 2011 will be a time of self discovery for you and a year full of fun and surprises.

P.S. I am loving all those photos and your outfit is so adorable. What kind of camera are you using?

carolina said...

this was honest and beautiful, stay strong. xoxo

Emily, Ruby Slipper Journeys said...

Polly honey... I hope you're ok... and men are rubbish (but I take that back if everything works out). We all love you. xxx

Lynn said...

thanks for your note and good for you on "cleaning house". it's definitely needed from time to time. ♥

Toni Tralala said...

I adore how you channeled a vintage feel in this pictorial. You look great! <3 Not everyone can get away with those shoes but you did! I know the feeling of having a void in your feelings but I've recently filled that emptiness. I hope that you'll find it too.

<3

YOURS TRULY, JOSELYN said...

These photos look amazing!
I love them!

Toni Tralala said...

By the way, I'm grabbing your button, okay? :)

bebe bird beck said...

Perfect shoes. I need them. ;]

It's official; you are the cutest thing ever.