Sunday

Something I wrote quite a while ago..

What is it exactly that I live for? My future goals? Future acquaintances? Current acquaintances? That euphoric feeling I get from a circle of friends that are the closest to me? I don't have so much inspiration anymore. I remember the days when it was so easy and often to laugh until my stomach hurt... it hasn't happened in so long and last time it did it felt forced. I miss those feelings. What is it about inspiration and where do I get it? It seems like when I am at my lowest is when I am most inspired. I want to write more. I want to become something that takes effort. The high life moments are what I often seek. Are the in-between moments as pivotal, though? In the end I suppose it comes down to: What makes ME happy? I need to figure it out. Sure, I could sit here and contemplate ways to write down complexly intellectual thoughts, but after a while I just don't care. What is it about getting new items that often gives us a mere feeling of short lived happiness? Sure, it wears off and you tire of the things you just purchased that made you feel so great the week before. Why do we feel the need to purchase things to feel satisfied? If I could answer this question simply I could save SO much money and time. I just need to learn how to be happy with my current life and the people in it. I am waiting for someone special to sweep me off my tired feet. I don't understand girls who need a boy to make them feel worthy or complete. I am the farthest from a relationship right now but it's a comfortable feeling knowing that I am totally okay with just having myself to rely on. I believe it makes me stronger and stronger every day. What will it take to make people see that I don't need anyone else to make my life complete or fulfilling? My family is always asking if I have a boyfriend yet or if I've been on any dates. The answer is always incomplete and jagged. I switch subjects very smoothly. I could care less about what people think, but when did it become the ultimate goal in a girl's life to find a boyfriend, settle down with one person for the rest of your life, and have children? (9/24/09)


love, polly

14 comments:

Amy from Forever Curiouser said...

oo interesting read, i think it's a rarity to find a girl who doesn't want a boyfriend, but as you said I'm happy just being me and by myself..if prince charming comes along, well that's just a bonus :D x

ak said...

very cool to read this. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm thinking only about me and my career and not thinking about whats expected of me. for once its very rewarding. Of course I want to settle down but I can't until I'm happy with where I am

xx

SMASH said...

I really liked reading this. I think if more people just waited for someone who they truly believed was special and would treat them right rather than settle for any person willing to pay them an ounce of attention, everyone would be way better off!

xx
MILK TEETHS

an9e1a said...

I liked this. It felt like I was traveling your thoughts with you, just sort of moving from place to place within your mind while you're maybe sitting on the couch thinking quietly, you know? And I'm similar when it comes to writing. I just don't feel as inspired when I'm "happy." Maybe it's because I'm too busy living it then... I'm not sure. But I definitely think you're right. Sometimes the most pivotal of moments are ones of suffering or pain. At least it's been that way for me.

Emily, Ruby Slipper Traveller said...

I've definitely been there (in all the theres you mention). Agree with you on the boyfriend issue, but I'll address the consumerism. I remember one of the summers I was happiest, I barely bought anything (well, bought lots of drinks and pastries, ahem). If you are distracted, interested, and engaged with your life, you'll feel less like shopping, and you won't mind wearing the same dress four times in one week. How to arrive at that place is difficult I know, but I always try and go out and meet new people when I find myself getting overly consumerist.

Oh, and just keep writing. Eventually you'll figure out what you want to write about. Sorry for being pedantic!

danielle said...

yep.

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Pop Champagne said...

I had an argument with someone over this once, he was claiming that I was too materialistic. I was like no, materials don't make me happy, it's the freedom for me to be able to buy things because I'm working my ass off (so I feel accomplished when I buy them) that makes me happy. The feeling of finally buying my first Louis Vuitton bag with my own money beats just having it in my closet. ha! if that makes any sense!

jewel said...

i completely know what you mean. sometimes you've got to have things to work for, and sometimes the good times are enough - you crave the feeling of elation and laughing until you cry. i totally understand, i felt like that all summer. it'll get better though! i promise.
x x x

Tanvi said...

Oh! I go through these sentiments every month I think! Interesting read :)

Nav said...

interesting post! I know what you mean though, to so many girls having a boyfriend is a priority, it's refreshing to find someone who doesn't feel that way!

x

http://tantrummagazine.blogspot.com

B.P Obscura said...

I found this really interesting. You're a very good writer and I can totally relate to alot of the feelings you describe. I shall definitley be tuning into your blog alot more :)

http://belphoebeprince.blogspot.com/
follow for follow? xx

Isquisofrenia said...

makes me think
and that wasnt my ultimate goal to be married but i did it anyways hahhah
and now i want kids, im getting old you know!

!♥ Land Of Dreams ♥ said...

me volves
extremadamente
y completamente
loca!!!