Sunday

So, here you go.

Yeah, growing up is a lot more difficult than I ever thought it would be. The funny thing is... is that people never really give you fair enough warning before they plummet you out into the cold world that gives no pity what so ever. After a while, you finally realize that your time as a child is over and the time is near where you have to grow up, get a job, and make your own living, blah. This part of my life is over, and a new chapter is starting. My mind often wanders to what my future will be like. I imagine being free and loving what I'm doing with my life... I want to travel, I want to work in the rainforest, I want to get away from the United States and all of the things it is doing wrong, and is afraid to try. It doesn't have to be all pity and tears.. I am excited to see what the future holds and I will grasp to it with my new found look at the world, and hold on for the thrill of it all. 

I know what it was like before I was born: nothing. Who's to say there will be anything happening after I die? Wouldn't it make sense to assume that there is nothing after life, if you felt nothing before it started? Anyway, it makes sense to enjoy this life before you totally cross it out and throw yourself into oblivion. You may never feel anything again. This could be your one shot to do something right. 
love, polly

1..2..3.. bum budda bumm

Dreams age faster than dreamers,
that's a fact of life Pete has discovered as the years pass. 
Yet the last ones often die surprisingly hard, 
screaming in low, miserable voices at
 the back of the brain.

I don't want that to happen to me. It's already happening. I'm going after it. Thanks, Steven King.

Wednesday

People change, and I've been changing everything

My old life appears so distant and far now that it seems the only things that keep it in check are the friends from back home. I knew college would be a big change, but I suppose I wasn't quite ready for it. I never thought I would find myself missing back home, but this summer was so epic. Every day was an adventure and nothing was wasted. I can only hope for a time slot as happy as the last when I think about the future. This will be different, though, it's inevitable. All the people I was once so close to are now foggy and distanced. Some remain, but I feel college life is taking its toll..
and it seems to be getting warmer instead of colder. 
I can't wait for New York City.

Thursday

Proof only?

Sometimes I have to write my thoughts down or else I will forget about them completely or convince myself that I felt otherwise and erase it from my memory altogether.
love, polly

everything's turning deadsy..

I noticed the first red tree of fall today.

Fall: I have never realized how much I actually love fall until this particular year of my journey. The hot cider burning the roof of my mouth, pumpkin pie, sweet peaches and apples I picked with my own hands, sweaters and scarves. Yes, I have always hated fall because I knew what was coming. Freezing days where that one pinky toe never seems to un-numb itself and I always worry that it's frostbite. As I pace around this campus, it's a glorious patch of potential friends. Fashion seems to be overflowing here. There was such a void of that back home. How can something be so isolated from the rest of society? For this reason, I'm packing up my belongings, and moving east.
No, I haven't had much of a desire to write, lately. I'm a little perturbed by it.
love, polly

Wednesday

No, I should have known better

Psst, come a little closer, child. Love only exists in your memory, now. The fields of flowers you once frolicked through have dwindled down to a small, dank backyard.

frowns come on as darkness spreads over the valley.

love, polly

Saturday

Once again, my world's a spinning

Just when I was starting to think I couldn't feel this way ever again, it stabs my heart; as it gasps and pleads for air, it seems to bring a new sense to the world around me. 
And I breathe in.
love, polly

Thursday

Hi, my name is Polly!

Hello! I am so glad you're here! My name is Polly and I am the creator of the vintage, antique, original artwork, and handmade boutique Paulie Antiques. I'm from a small town called Taylorville, Illinois and I graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts in Costume Design for Theatre. I moved to New York City to pursue my dreams of being a costume designer. After NYC, I made my home in Chicago. I am a Florist, Costume Designer, Costume Technologist, Fashion Designer, Fashion Stylist, Amateur Photographer, Pressed Flower Enthusiast and a Vintage Picker. I helped organize a fashion show for Paulie Antiques in Spring 2012 where I created 10 pieces of clothing for a runway show! I love making bow ties, painting and pressing hydrangeas, and uncovering old things and the stories they hold. I'm in love with the past, to say the least. My Grandmother Kutch owned an antique store called "Plain Jane's Antiques" that I browsed around in when I was small. My Uncle Jim Boy owned his own antique store called Lindsey's Antiques, and my Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Polly & PJ owned an antique store in the 1950's called, "Don't throw it away, give it to PJ" or "Swap Shop" and they learned the antiquing business from a relative of mine living in California at the time. I love learning about Victorian etiquette and history. If you'd like to know more about my personal fashion style, visit my outfit archive! If you'd like to see some of my vintage collections, you can watch a video interview with me here! I love instagram and I love to share photos of my family. I also have a tattoo on my left arm that has the poem from the elephant parade scene in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! Feel free to email me at polly@paulieantiques.com!
Want to advertise on my blog or host a giveaway? Visit my sponorship page! :)
Me behind the scenes of the Paulie Antiques Winter 2012 Look Book with Allegra & Elena Wentworth. Photograph by Nathan Adhikari.
love, polly

Tuesday

Baby, I'd leave you for the person you used to be..

But really, do Joel and Clementine end up together at the end of the movie? I guess we'll never know. Their love was great, but they were too destructive to each other. Maybe some relationships are just like that. You have to forge your own ending at the end.... that was always the appeal, you see?
love, polly

Friday

The curtain falls. Its velvet folds brush my face

So. I'm done. And it's just as simple as that. His thoughts written, my thoughts. A dream. 
I'm not one who is in her normal state.  
End.
The velvet curtain falls. The audience applauds. And then there is nothing more. Just the thought that everyone is alone. Alone in their own little bubble.
love, polly

Thursday

wouldn't that be beautiful?

I've been meaning to start recording my thoughts in some shape or form lately. Actually, for a long time now. I fear that when I'm old I will eventually forget the dreams I once had in my brain. The things I wanted to do when I got older. Sights I yearned to see. People I needed to meet. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved writing. Although I was in journalism, I didn't really live up to my writing potential. Too many things going on besides the stories I was typing (although two or three of my stories made the front page). I'm just going to go ahead and blame it on the event I wrote about. Or, because it was the most relevant story at the time. I figure, why not?

Although, I'm not sure if I want anyone else to read. It could just be a private release for myself. I suppose I'll find out what I want sooner or later.

I have yet to find myself. Sometimes the blackness of my mind at night is beautiful.
I can get away from all of the thoughts that don't matter.
I have been meaning to expand my vocabulary.
I have been meaning to spend more time with my mother.
I need to visit my 94 year old grandmother more often.
I let things slip right through my fingers before I even knew they were there.

Which brings me back to the reason why I wanted a journal. I have so many thoughts and realizations. Pen and paper? My hand can't possibly keep up with my mind. I'm sure the keyboard would be better.